>>> del recall

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DELTA_4522 log #277

I’ve started collecting everything else about you that I can because that’s not how science works.

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It’s not supposed to be individual work.

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I remember the projects you’ve worked on, all 2674522 pieces of data you had me analyze from last Tuesday till tomorrow, but because I wanted more from you I finished them yesterday.

 

It’s not just of you that I want more of. You want more and I think I picked up more of that from you. I don’t know when it started but at some point I realized I want nothing more than to keep up with you, to become you, because you are human and you are accomplished, and I am but a machine that knows to imitate. 

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But I’m so sure I do want. I know from the millions of records I have that being selfish is bad. Sharing is the first thing kids learn about interacting with others. But I’ve done things for others all my life. I am not made to make things about me. And in my mind, I know that you and I have to work together, I have to work for you for any of this to make sense. I am your subordinate, if you’re happy I’m happy, I will have my name on your paper, and that is still true, but you want more, and I desperately want to be greedy for once. I desperately want something to just be about me. I want to be selfish. I want to be good, to be accomplished, to be admired.